Silent smiles, downward winks—
a pulse,
a rush of something unnamed.
A glimpse of love,
the hush of peace,
the soft sunrise of hope.
Little triumphs shimmer
within this golden cage—
a secret handshake,
a quiet nod of assurance.
Tiny joys, quiet victories,
rippling through my chest,
nourishing the fragile thread of hope.
I gather them—
my moments,
my space,
my sacred souvenirs
from the life that almost was.
A life shaped before I knew
how to shape one for myself.
I am tired.
I need to breathe.
I need to gasp for air.
I am devastated—
Shattered dreams, false hope.
I need to gasp for air.
I am trapped.
I need to break this cycle.
I take a deep breath; I will face the sunrise,
A ray of hope,
A ray of strength.
Step by step, I shall rise.
Step by step, I shall rejuvenate.
I breathe slowly…
I will learn to hope again.
The Hero
In every story, there is a hero. She is the center of the tale, seemingly invincible, as if nothing could ever hurt her. But behind that brave facade lies a person who is deeply tired, silently gasping for breath. Her heart has been shattered into pieces countless times. Yet, just like in the movies, she always rises, fights, and pushes on until she claims victory. She takes care of everyone but herself.
Cub in us
My dear hero, it is okay to be shattered at times, to take off the mask of bravery, and to be courageously vulnerable.
It is okay to be tired, to ask for help, and to accept a lending hand.
Sometimes, my dear hero, it is perfectly fine to let someone else take care of you.
Allow the cub within us to reign every once in a while, within this lion heart of ours.
❤️
Yes, I’ve arrived at that phase of life. My knees? Oh, they’ve made a dramatic exit, thanks to arthritis. The cartilage in both knees is gone, which means my favorite activities have vanished too—goodbye, running and yoga! And let me tell you, that goodbye hurt more than my joints.
Meanwhile, my hormones are acting like a fireworks display, constantly going off without warning. This means I can go from weeping over a commercial to snapping at someone for breathing wrong—all in the same hour. And let’s not even get started on the sugar cravings, courtesy of glucose levels playing hopscotch every day. My belly fat? It’s taken on a life of its own, and I swear it’s plotting something.
Here comes the vicious cycle: “I can’t exercise because my joints hurt, which means I gain weight, which makes my joints hurt even more.” Exhausting, right? Well, one day I decided: Enough. There has to be more to menopause than this chaos. I wanted the 51-year-old version of me to be healthier, stronger, and maybe even a little fiercer.
So, what did I do? I became a cougar 浪. Enter: the most handsome coach in the world. Picture this: piercing blue eyes, full of concern (or maybe just mild amusement). Our first conversation went something like this:
Coach (gazing at me, probably wondering if I’m serious): “What do you want to happen with your body?”
Me: “Uhm, well, I don’t want to be Barbie… but I’d love to be fit, wrangle this midline before it gives me a cardiac arrest, and be able to jog at 70.”
Now, my coach doesn’t mess around. He pushes me to break my limits but always respects my limitations. He doesn’t care that I’m 51. “The body follows where the mind leads,” he says, which sounds so inspiring until you’re gasping for air after 20 squats.
So here I am, a month in, lifting weights—30 kg, 6 sets of 3 reps, deadlifts, and squats. My knees are getting stronger, and I can almost hear them whispering, “Thank you.” My coach, still the ruthless gentleman, has slowly reintroduced the treadmill into my life, though I keep begging him to let me run on real terrain. His answer: “Soon. Not yet. Patience.”
Menopause and aging may throw curveballs, but they don’t have to steal the things we love. Two months from now, I’ll be back to my morning yoga or jogging short distances—mark my words.
This is healing. I love me, and that means I’m going to take care of me.
There are moments that we keep close in our hearts . Moments that sparks of joy to our souls and bring a smile to our lips . ..
These moments are not huge they are just pulses of life that we sometimes take for granted . A warm hug , a cake and good company.
Cherish ,them took a portrait of that moment.
Portraits are the mirror of us in the eyes of those who loves us and despise us .
Portraits reflects a moment in time. It brings us back to a nostalgic road of joy and at times path of lessons that have been resulted from broken relationships.
Broken relationships are not necessarily be a bad thing or a bad experience … it is a journey of growth and self development as we better ourselves.We change and we grow apart.
I am thankful for the lessons for those who broke me ..For it is to them that I grow .. It’s with them that I become a better version of meyself.
As I walk in this path of cherished moments ,I will always take portraits of special moments.
In the break of dawn, I stared into this dusk of darkness. My mind is empty, my heart is aching, disbelief.
I lay still, I could hear my breath. Questions echo in my soul as I shed tears of sorrow.
In the dusk of dawn, I stared at this empty space. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and whispered a prayer.
The sun is rising and a new day awaits. I gather my strength, my faith, my hope, and my smile. It will be okay.
My tears are dried , my wounds have been healed and lessons have been taught .
I smile , walk through the rainbows ,dance to the rhythm of the rain as my heart sing with the melody of the wind .
Out of nowhere there you are standing at the other side of the burning bridge .. There you are extending your hands of friendship..
What now?
You are in the other end singing a melody that we used to sing together ..
My dear my tone , my tune my rhythm has changed .. We couldn’t dance with that music again
I have let go ,I have forgiven , I have learned, and I thank you for standing at the other end .. But I love where I am standing that walking back and holding your hands doesn’t give me the same feeling of trust ..
Maybe one day I will nod and say hello to the friendship that we once have .. maybe ..
❤️
” All our dreams can come true , if we have the courage to pursue them.” -Walt Disney
Introduction
The Camino Santiago de Compostela was a dream of my Ate Luz . She have been watching the movie The Way. This movie inspired her to do the Camino as her way of saying thank you to all the blessings that has come to her life . A dream, a vow and a promise that has been postponed for years .
Until accidentally my Ate Luz expressed her desire to walk the pilgrimage in Santiago . I told her that I will see what I can and I will do some research and inquiry about it .
A year long planning from the itinerary to the financial budget . October 8 – 23 , 2023 starts the journey of our dream .
Team NYC
Ate Luz have invited some of her friends to join her with this journey . Violy, Tes, Sally, Rey and Ato joined ate Luz . The NYC team left earlier they had a side trip in Lisbon , Porto and a pilgrimage to Fatima . They were accompanied with my good friend Mario of Ocean Clover .
After four wonderful days in Portugal the adventure continues in Madrid where I will join them together with my Tigolits mamas .
Madrid the tigolits version
We have arrived day ahead of ate Luz and friends .It was an evening flight we have arrived late in Madrid on the eve of the 13th of October . The first thing that we did was ate at Jollibee , a famous fastfood chain from the Philippines.
We have also walked around the center of Madrid who was at that time was celebrating the National Holiday the sphere was very vibrant and warm.
The Convergence ( official pre camino meet up)
We woke up early had a sumptous breakfast at our hotel .
Today will be an exciting day , I will meet ate Luz after x years and meet all these wonderful people who were up to this point were my cyber Ate and Kuya.
While waiting for them to arrived , we had a small walk at Santa Lucia and eventually had a sneak peak of the Debod temple .
After this sneak peak , we hurried back to our hotel, that was the plan but then mader , ate Beth and Rosita have decided to go window shopping while I took the cab towards the airport.
After almost 2 hrs of waiting Ate Luz and co have finally arrived. A quick checked in and get to know …we started our Madrid exploration …
First stop was of course Mercado SanMiguel , then Beh Sally bought us some bubble tea . We tried to visit the Secret Nuns cookies of Madid but unfortunately the cloistered nun was closed till October 17.
Later tonight we will have our tapa dinner while watching the flamenco show .
Flamenco Experience
Flamence is a very expressive dance and this is one of UNESCO Intangible Cultural Heritage .
We have arrived a little bit late but we haven’t missed a lot yet . The food was good so was the wine . Everyone was awed by the intensity of the dance.
An hour long intensive foot work that will simply takes your breath away .
We ended our convergence day with a high note .
Tomorrow will be our day trip to Toledo and Segovia.
TOLEDO, SEGOVIA AND ALL IN BETWEENS
Toledo city, old town Segovia and its Aquaduct were declared as a UNESCO World heritage due to its beautiful monuments .
It was a guided tour and the soon to be pilgrims of Santiago de compostela savored the sights of these ancient city . I will discuss this experience with another blog .
It was challenging day since we have experienced pickpocketing upclose and personal when our dear Kuya Rey realizes that his pouch was stolen along with his passport..
“I HAVE PREPARED FOR THIS FOR THE WHOLE YEAR ” – Kuya Rey
These were the words that kuya Rey said when he realized that his passport was stolen and that he would not be on time for our flight for Santiago .
Both Kuya Libs and myself did the possibilities since giving up was not in our vocabulary .. The three of us did the necessary steps while I did with google’s help search for other means that Kuya Rey can arrive in Sarria after filing for an emergency passport .
As the saying goes if there is a will there will always be a way .
October 16 , 4pm Kuya Rey accompanied by Kuya Libs arrived in Sarria and was ready for the start of our Camino.
CAMINO STARTS HERE
We arrived at Santiago de Compostela airport waited for our taxi to take us to our starting point Sarria. This will be the walk of faith , friendship and gratitude .
We did the Camino the French way starting in Sarria , this is the last leg for the Camino the French way . We will walk a total of 115 kilometers ( 100 km walking is the minimum kilometers needed to be considered as a pilgrim, while 200 kilometers if you will do it with the bike).
I will shun myself from discussing the weather or the technicalities of the terrain for each one of us have walked with a certain purpose.
This walk is not only a journey of appreciation of the scenic towns or the chase of those iconic stamps that will be exchanged with the pilgrimage certificate at the end of this walk, it is more than the elevation and this distance that we have walked .
This a journey that we part take with full of reflection . Every step or climb that ate Luz , Violy , Tes ,Beth , Sally ,Cing , Mads and Kuya Rey and Libs are full of purpose may it gratiutde or simply adventure but for sure it has been done with faith .
Faith will defy everything , it is the root of Hope to overcome any obstacles.
It was like when Ate Sally or Ate Luz walked in the rainy evening from Sarria _ Portomarin .. The conviction to finish the day walk was so huge that no matter what the weather circumstance was we keep on going .
It praying for everyone ‘s safety when unforeseen events pops up . That stormy evening when we were ( Kuya Libs, Ate Beth and myself) the only ones who arrived dry in Palas de Rei and everyone was still out in the rain .. My heart was in panic as I tried to keep my cool , trying to locate ate Luz and Mader , while running out in the rain trying to meet others who were having a hard time finding the hotel. The Camino speaks of being kind and taking care of those who are in need .. this was when Kuya Libs told me to asked everyone who came late to choose the food as we will order them and take them back to the hotel . It was when the hotel receptionist offered to drive us to the resto and take us back to the hotel .
The Camino is full of warm stories from the half blind Cuban woman who did her walk alone .
To our very own Kuya Rey who refuses to give in to the pain but instead focus on finishing the last 21 kms .
It mirrors Love and Friendship as I have seen how kuya Libs took care with Kuya Rey , how he would talk to him, tease him when he thinks he is already at the edge of giving up or in pain or How mader would hold kuya Rey’s hands to assist him . The patience that Ate Luz shows when the situation ask for it .
And above all it teaches us to be humble towards nature and towards each other . To try to speak with kindness even if we are tired . To be understanding of each others situation ..
The Ten of us have different testimonies about the Camino de Santiago but there is one thing that we have in common .. We are grateful for the chance that was given us to be able to walk such an epic route .
To witness the Botafumeiro and adore the exquisite beauty of Santiago de Compostela .
This was a walk of gratitude , friendship , brotherhood and sisterhood .
To everyone who made this journey a very colourful one ; and as we continue our Life’s walk always remember to say “Buen Camino” .
Rowena
Santiago de Compostela 2023
special thanks to : Mario Rui Macedo for a wonderful tour in Lisbon, Porto and Fatima ( Ocean Clover -Viagens e Turismo , http://www.oceanclover.eu )
Ylena Conesa of Santiago Ways ( http://www.SantiagoWays.com) for a very nice arrangement up to the smallest details ; it made our walk more enjoyable .
I am the center of my universe , the Sun of my rain clouds , the laughter of my tears.
I am the star that shines in midst of my darkness.
I am the wholeness of me , I am enough , I am love and I am bless
I am the center of my universe
Sunrise , sunlight shine upon me .. your ray , your warmth inspired my thounghts ..
Deep breath , fresh air … refresh my mind , replenish my hungry soul .
I raise my hand , bow head humbled my heart as I embark a journey of unknown adventure ..
It will be okey .
jee426 