My heart sang a song , a melody that I am unfamiliar of.
My brain whisper a thoughts that I refuse to listen .
As I laid myself to rest , My soul long for that old familiar scent .. A scent not so long ago makes me flutter … but now it brought me to tears
I can not stop …I must move on …move forward …
A meadow fresh , new horizon , new dawn … I am almost there..
In de dawn of the winter I met you. I was cold and hurt. You gave me warmth and mend my wounds . I was hesitant to hold your hands but you told me it is just okey.
I learned to trust you , hold you , the sun was rising again , flowers starts to grow. I saw spring and starts to love the songs that birds sang .
On one autumn day , I saw an image of you different from what I used to see. Your words cuts like a knife in my heart. Why ? I felt betrayed . I tried to hang on but in me I know something has changed , something has died .
I tried to heal , to revived … but it was just “I” .. “WE” does not exist anymore.
It’s time , to cut lose , to accept the hurt , betrayal has killed my love for you.
Goodbye .. summer will soon come into my life … as long as I have ME I will be okey
As I walked through the path of Ray … I am and will always choose happiness balance with kindness .
At times when I am out of focus .. out of my ray .. I will take a deep breath seek inside me .
I am the spark , I am the ray … exude , breath … look up , walk on …
To cry and aknowledge our weakness is the moment that we are at our bravest
To love even though it hurts
To sing our soul out even though we are bleeding
To stand with dignity and talk with kindness even though we are misunderstood .
And to smile to the world even it is confusing
To stand and know that no matter what …. YOU are enough , You are wonderful..
Bravery is embracing the imperfectness in you ..
You and I we grow up together
You and I we venture adventures
We cried and laugh
Through joys and sorrow we held each others hand .
You and I may grow and walk on the different path ..But my dear be assured that I will be at corner waiting for you .
You and I will understand each other more than those spoken words
You and I are more than just friends .
You and I are sisters for life
❤️
I will not linger on hate , disappointments and hurt
Life is too short
I will embrace challenges with courage in my heart
I will learn from experiences
Like a butterfly in my cocoon I will spread my colorful wings and fly with kindness , understanding and love in my heart .
Life is not mine to keep but to savour ,enjoy the gifts that will offer me.
Day by day I am and will grow
I am kind , I am enough , I am the universe within me
Breath in …. breath out
Seventeen years ago I lost my youngest brother due to pancreatitis . He was thirty years old and full of dreams.
His death came unexpected ,his death left a huge hole in my heart . A hole that I have learned to co-exist seventeen years after his gone . Each year stronger than myself I would relived the journey that I have been through , our the last conversations and the emotions.. Seventeen years , I still felt that I have come short as a sister and a friend .Seventeen years.. I still have the “maybe if …I could have .. ”
I have admired the friendship that he have built with his friends seven years after his death Christopher one of the homeboys continue the passion that they all have . He would organize a basketball tournament among group of friends .
This is their way of giving tribute to a friend , brother , playmate .. Every year around this time .. when I would normally shed tears Randall’s cup is born.
Randall’s cup is an ode for my brother .. this is a manisfestion on how he was loved by the people that surrounds him .
At this time of the year . I would look at the pictures of these basketball tournament with a smile in my heart … I would look up thr skies and imagine that He my angel , my benjamin , my brother , my friend is smiling down at us ..
He is gone but never be forgetten .. I will love him till I will see him again
I read somewhere that in life’s survival we need to see the eight years old version of us and the eighty years old to guide us.
In my case I would like to reflect on that little chubby four or so girl who refuses to conform to what the society asked her to do .
I started early on going to school. At one point , I was not allowed to attend the classes because I was too young and there was not enough chairs for the legimate pre-schooler . But I love the free calamansi drink that the Protestant kindergarten school gave to their pre schooler that I have convinced my mother to buy me a chair . The following I walked confidently to the classroom bringing my own chair and a glass ( for the calamansi ) . There was no more reason that I was not allowed to attend those delicious and fun classes . For the next 4 years I have attended the kindergarten ( started as visitor at the age of two or something then nursery , kinder 1 and 2 )
Before my kinder 2 ends I have accompanied a cousin of mine who would take an entrance exam at a private elementary school .. at the end of the day I was accepted to joined the first grader for the following school year . I was five almost six I feel like I conquer the world 🙂
By March 1980, I was invited together with my parents to attend the recognition day since I was one of the top 10 in my class. My mother was still doing errands and I got anxious that I have to be late for the awarding ceremony that I took the matters in my hands I wore a green long dress ( I felt so pretty ) and wore my slippers ( not the fancy ones ) and halted a tricycle (a public transportation typical in the Philiplines) that brought to my school .
This is the typical me , I dont wait for things to happen .. as much as possible and if I can I will make it happen . You see me with my wide smile easy to talk aura and I would most of the time give in easily … But the one’s that I would say NO are non negotiable .
My bounderies have a clear cut if you step on it I would politely ask you to step back but if you persist…with a smile I am closing my doors .
At eight or so I have my own rules .. These rules that has guided me through the rough patches of my journey . When I would reflect the eighty in me I know I will have no regrets .
My heart is big , full of kindness and my trust is difficult to win .. But if and if I think its too much I have no second thoughts of taking people out of my life . For I believe that the last person that I should disappoint is ME .
I am scribbling randomly because I feel like it .. My way , my Rules ..
How about you ? What is the eight or so in you?
My ever dearest Body ,
How are you ? I don’t asked this question to often towards you , instead I just keep on deamanding on you . So many expectations that I have from you.
Despite of my discontenment , my demands you have still showed compassion and endurance towards me .
There was a time that I have starve you to make me feel good and be in the “perfect body image” or at times you endure my impulsive eating and later purge it out .
After a long working days I asked you to ran with me a little bit more .. or when we slept late I expected you to not give me any tantrums if we will just have 3 hrs of sleep so we can do our “morning routines”.
As the years gone by I am spoiled by you.. You have always thrive to make me feel good . Your immune system protects me from the unwanted illness . I took all these for granted . It is not yet to too late to honor you .
My dearest Body here and now I thank you for taking care of me .. For being patience of my acceptance of the image of you.
Here and now, I know at the end it is only us . We will try to walk in this journey with me accepting Our Beautiful Imperfectness .
Here and now , we will exist , live a life with joy . My dear Body YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL .. Thank you for enduring me . I LOVE YOU .
❤
It is that point that we stop rationalizing and just let it happen . This is the moment that we surrender to the universe. We accept its course of movement to just lead us to a better path.
It is that moment that we let go of everything unafraid of what will or what will become that we aknowledge our strength .
To let go , to choose , to be just you and let everything flow is the bravest thing that you could ever do . At the end of an uncertain path lies a rainbow of hope and sunlight of joy…
Stay true to YOU .. be your bestfriend .. everything will be okey
jee426 