Goodbye my dear angel I know you are now in a better place . Your smile, naughtiness shall linger through my memories till the moment I meet you somewhere.
Goodbye my dear madame, for the last time I close your curtina just the way you want it .
I used to say to myself, “The detours that we took in our journey will armor us on the path that we will take and eventually achieve the outcome that we always hope for.” This is a story of the journey that my mother and I took early this year.
January 30, 2024
This all started in late January when the routine blood test of my mother came back. The result stated that she has a low red blood count. She told her doctor that maybe it’s because she does not eat too much meat as she used to. Her doctor shrugged off her reasoning and insisted on further laboratory tests. It was during this lab test that it was discovered that there were traces of blood in her feces, although it was still inconclusive.
Valentine’s Day 2024
On the 14th of February, a colonoscopy was performed and it was seen that she has one large “polyp” that can only be removed through surgery. A sample was taken for biopsy and we were scheduled for a CT scan.
Silver Lining Moment
It was in those moments when you entered a consultation room greeted with a very friendly face of the specialist until she would break down everything.
Her large polyps have turned out to be a malignant tumor and the polyps that were removed have also started to develop some tumors. Hence, on the 17th of February, my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer.
BUT! It was caught on time. On the 21st of February, the cancer cells were all removed.
Cancer
This is an illness that we have heard or witnessed from afar; most of the time, it is very scary to hear all those stories or to witness how a dear friend combats this illness. My view towards cancer has changed. I am no longer scared of cancer, for I know that if we listen to our body and consider symptoms as the “shout for help” signal of our body, cancer can be curable. It’s a hard road at times, but there is always a bright light at the end of every treatment.
It has a different impact when you are in the eye of the storm. You have no time to process every single detail; all that matters is to get through this and be over it.
I gave no space for myself or my mother to question why it happened or to a moment of self-pity. This road becomes less scary and more heartwarming when you know that you are not alone, when you see those brave, friendly faces in the chemo center trying to tell their stories, giving each other encouragement and support.
Cancer has plenty of faces; no cancer is identical even if it has the same name. As the surgeon of my Mother said, “No diagnoses are the same.” It is always different, but there is one thing in common: JUST BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO TAKE THAT TEST TO SAVE YOUR LIFE like my Mother.
Road to Recovery
The surgery went well and we are now almost back to our normal routine. We are on our 2nd preventive chemo (4 more to go) and we are doing quite well except for those every now and then discomforts which can be treated with non-nausea medicine.
My Mother and I have a lot to be grateful for despite the early hiccups. We will get through this with flying colors.
We have always been a victors.. My mama and I have walked together the 110 km Camino de Santiago Compostella
Reflections
The detours that I made prepared me to take on this path. I am humbled and grateful to the Lord for He has armored me with strength, submerged me with knowledge through the experiences that I had. He made me a better support for my Mother.
The road to recovery is here and I would always tell my Mother, “Embrace your 3rd life, live with love, with no doubt of tomorrow, for every day is tomorrow and every day is a miracle to be thankful for. Let us embrace life with more passion, with more laughter, and joy.”
Our Support System
There is no path too steep or scary when someone is there to hold your hands, wipe your tears, and give you a knowing nod.
Whenever I am scared and feel alone, I’m glad that you are there to give me that “it’s all okay” talk. Mommy Nao, your calmness when I am crushed gives me strength; Titay, I am amazed by the maturity that you have shown me, you are my “it’s okay” person.
I am lucky to have amazing friends, especially to my Noonas Barbie and Charina, who have allowed me to vent out my paranoia during those uncertain moments. Noonas, thank you so much for listening without prejudice, thank you for gently telling me that it is okay what I felt but I need to face this with facts for my own peace of mind. To my bff Den, thank you for the encouragement to get tested and be over it. You guys restored my sanity. To Felda, Tots, Fatsie; Lore, Marelle, and the rest of my Moonwalkers, thank you for that silent support.
To my Irish family, Mumshies, thank you for those notes or calls to check up on me and mama.
Lastly, to DAD, you are such a wonderful person. Thank you for being the source of her smile and being her prayer partner from day one.
“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”― Neil Gaiman, Coraline
I thank the universe for us, for this friendship , for YOU.. We have been through life, whether we sat on each others mud crying our eyes out or just simply smiling walking on the rainbow of life , we called them growing process. Distance is just a word for us … Enjoy life , love ,travel and let everything flow until it will falls on the right place.
I love you sooo much Happy 365 days around the sun
To share the little moments of life with you makes it more magical ..
I ran entering your door your eyes lit up and a faint smile broke your lips . I came near whispering to your ears “did you miss me this much that you have managed to go to the next level ?” You smile and nod faintly. “I miss you , you are my angel “ I sat beside you, cut your nails washed your hands, and told you stories that you used to love hearing from me. Every now amd then your eyes would open wide amd you smile .
Years ago I met death with resenment , I questioned him swore at him on why taking my brother away .. this time I meet death again , he is around lurking, waiting . This time death comes to me with compassion , this time death make me understand that loving is letting go , that loving is not allowing the person that matters suffer . Death showed me a new face. I know you are just standing at the corner, waiting for everyone to be ready .. I am ready , I will miss a Matriarch as she will take her rest but at the same time relieve that finally she can sleep without pain ..
Before the sun will totally stop from shining ..I will keep on making juice, wash your hands and whisper words that would make you smile .. I am your angel but one day you will be mine ..
To the woman that you are .. I will always remember you and the moments we were together
Paths that we walked ,tunnels of pain that we go through will always end with a green fields of Hope , new beginnings and joy
My tears are dried , my wounds have been healed and lessons have been taught .
I smile , walk through the rainbows ,dance to the rhythm of the rain as my heart sing with the melody of the wind .
Out of nowhere there you are standing at the other side of the burning bridge .. There you are extending your hands of friendship..
What now?
You are in the other end singing a melody that we used to sing together ..
My dear my tone , my tune my rhythm has changed .. We couldn’t dance with that music again
I have let go ,I have forgiven , I have learned, and I thank you for standing at the other end .. But I love where I am standing that walking back and holding your hands doesn’t give me the same feeling of trust ..
Maybe one day I will nod and say hello to the friendship that we once have .. maybe ..
❤️
My sun is shinning and my path has a different direction now.. I am happier , I am at peace …
jee426 