I bow down my head before mother earth thanking her for the gift of new day.
I thank her for the air I breathe and for the emotions that I have felt.
As I breathe positive thoughts ,I am breathing out bondage of attachments .
Attachments that can cause pain, for I OWN NOTHING and NOTHING OWNS ME.
I breathe in Love and breathe out situations that I don’t have any control .
As I start my weekend I choose to breathe positive energy and think Mindful thoughts ..
Have a blissful weekend
Intoduction :
Last Sunday the 21st of March was Down Syndrome Day to honor this day and as part of the awareness campaign schools and all over social media encourages everyone to wear two different kinds of socks . This day is called “gekke sokken dag” or as translated in englisg crazy socks day . This is to symbolize that IT IS OKEY TO BE DIFFERENT .
Yesterday ( 23rd of March)
It was one of those working days but yesterday gave me some take away to ponder.
Alice my 5 years playmate ( I refer her as my playmate ) along with her sister Aude came to me running as I arrived at thier house . The girls wore two unpaired socks of course I know why…
Alice : Jeeee I am wearing two different socks because it is crazy socks day at my school and Aude too.
Me: ooooh that looks fun .. and do you know why you are wearing those socks ?
Alice : yes , because SOMETIMES IT IS OKEY TO BE DIFFERENT my teacher told us that .
Me : indeed .. that is nice Alice ..
She was about to wear her shoes .. then she stop mid-way look at me and said ” well if is is okey to be different why hide it with a pair of shoes?”
She stopped turn to me and said ” I should wear unpair of shoes too with that everyone will know that IT IS OKEY TO BE DIFFERENT ”
She then go on picked two different kinds of shoes
Reflection :
To a child its is just the way it should be …But to the society that we are existing we should always be reminded that everyone of us is unique .
We must learn to respect and honor our differences whether it is the physical attributes or emotional development.
We must never forget to EMBRACE THE UNIQUENESS IN US .
TO All of US .. BE BRAVE WE ARE BEAUTIFUL IN OUR OWN WAY
Introduction
I am starting to write moments that I love to remember . In each events ,situations there is that specific emotions that is connected .
Today my Journal of Happiness goes to the simple joy that The Moonwalkers89 shared.
The Story
As I have mentioned in my previous blog ” Moonwalkers” is group of individuals who were highschool classmates and have been reconnected after 30 years .
Each one of them has this unique beauty , strength , talent and wits . Despite of the years that they have been apart the sense of connectivity still burns within them .
They have made to the point that their reconnection would have meaningful purpose . Thus , they have choosen to served the vulnerable communities in their own ways.
These community activities paved the way in strengthen thier relationships from being good friends to becoming families .
Community Services as an act of Reconnection
“So long as we love we serve; so long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.”
-Robert Louis Stevenson
A quote from goodreads.com
It all started with an informal conversations in between the karaoke and sea breeze of Cabadbaran city . The passion to serve was there but of course there was a question of resources.
As the discussion go deeper the desire grew. They made a pact to meet again on 2022 but for the meantime they must Keep the fire burning through community services .
Each one of them shared its own idea . Allowed their own expertise to contribute whatever project they are in . Everything is being discussed and though the budget is tight they still pursue with enthusiasm . They believe they are ONE
Whether it is feeding for the Lumads ( indigenious group) ,Elderly or the forgotten ones of society they serve with their hearts .
They often said that “the community services did not only filled the hearts of the needy but it has also strengthen thier friendship .It makes them feel like “they Belong” a quote that Fatima always uses .
At the end it is not about how much but it is more of how they made a small step towards doing meaningful act .
Reflection
If we choose to be serve with purpose and developed a friendship founded with respect , love, an open clear communication and admiration the friendship will thrive .
Respect towards each other helps us bridge the growing pains that we encounter along the way . Love makes us more understanding towards the shortcoming of the others . An open and clear communication results to endless hours of worthwhile stories which are interwine with laughters and the feeling of belongingness .
Notes of Gratitude
To the 41 Moonwalkers89 it has been with great pleasure to reconnect the bond with each one of you in a different levels .
Maricar who have encouraged me in forming the group
Bob who is always ready to do whatever ,wherever … you are an epitome of support
Felda , the rockstar with a large wallet how would we exist without your dedication ?
Jennifer for being the best twin and side kick of Felda
Tots who is always ready to give me an enlightenment advises whenever I am confuse.
Jenny (Grams ) my admiration for a powerhouse woman who would unselfishly share her time regardless of the situation ..Grams thank you for always answering my Queries
Jehmymah (Yen) thank you for assisting and sharing the burden with Grams
Lore our balancer
Marelle who edits my thoughts from time to time
Joe, Janet , Ga and Renee for being the life of our gc . I always love your wits
Mela, Rowena ,Joy and Serachel whose doors are always open whenever I would come knocking it .
Maam Jone thank you for always gracing whenever it is possible for you
Sweet, Lani, Fatima ,Grace, Cathy , Cy , Jona , Ana and Kathy for coming home to us ..
Cherrypie for openning my mind about Por cristo
Mary Grace even in your silence I know I can count on you .
Wilfred , Alberto and Arthur the boys who are never hesitated to help whenever we have an activity
Ferdinand (Dnand) thank you for always entertaining my lengthy notes for blending to be one of us.
Randy for being just annoying you 🙂
I am proud to be one of you .. thank you Moonwalkers89 for the lessons and joy that you have shared
May we continue to touch lives .
In times of my sadness breathe consoles me .
In hour of my anxieties he calms me
Breathe is a friend that holds my hand when I am scared , embraces me when I am lonely
He reminds me of my tact whenever I want to burst into unnecessary words .
As long as I am breathing I know I am not alone ..
Breathing is the greatest pleasure in life. – Giovanni Papini
Introduction
We are surrounded with pulses of events .. Events that exudes moments , Moments that can be source of small happiness.
This are compliation of moments that I love to cherish and how I use them to remind me that life is full of events that are worth to grateful with
These are my Journal of Happiness
RESTART Is Sometimes the Necessary Solution
Thursday , woke up with an headache and a heavy heart with no apparent reasons . We all have those days that even if the sun shines brightly at the horizon we felt so gloom inside . Wearing my best mask (that would be my smile ) started my working day with the 92 years old client of mine .
When I have arrived we did the routinary stuffs ..Until she asked me if I could help her with Ipad . It has been days that she couldn’t do any facetime with her daughter who is living abroad .
We all know that during these pandemic times to be connected with our loveones who are far from us means the world .
After our morning walks I started checking her IPAD . Did the necessary steps but still no avail in connecting with her daughter .
While they were talking through my whatsapp , I was busy with her IPAD until I remember …. the cardinal rule in gadget “if you have some issues try to restart the unit.” And as expected the IPAD works again facetime !!!
That moment when the face of her daughter shows up on her screen the 3 of us hailed like we just won a lottery ..The joy of reconnecting , the smile on their faces was priceless .
Reflection
Sometimes we are face with situations that we are fixated with a certain pattern of behaviors and views .
A pause or restart maybe the necessary step to take . For us to see a certain situation in a different views .
Sometimes we need to take a breathe so we can step out of a vicious cycle .
Restarting into something can be a source of new joy in our life … let us never hesitate to restart …as Craig D.Lounsbrough said
“Starting over begins when I develop a reawakened appreciation for what I already have, a renewed recognition of what I’ve recklessly forsaken, a rehabilitated understanding that I foolishly do both of those things, and a revitalized commitment to live the rest of my life never doing either of them again.”
“Life is too short to be unkind to YOURSELF” — Holly Habeck
We tend to project and give in to the pressure of the society on what beauty is and the ideal body looks like . I am no exception to these I am 100% a whore to fit in the body image . I call myself Ms. Wanting to fit in .
This is where all it started
As a child I was always been chubby , I never had a complexity with my body . People who are dear to me have always accepted the way I am .
Until adolescence came knocking on my door .. Suddenly , I wanted to be the muse instead of a class mayor .. but year after year I never became one .
Insecurities towards my body image started to creep in … I started to diet ..yes ! I tried all kinds of diet craze Atkins , fruit diet , cracker diet , no carbs, I just mimic the fad without understanding the principle behind every eating principles ..I yo-yoed my way through the “acceptable body” to the point that I have suffered an eating disorder .
Eating disorder the answer of my dreams ?
Just right after college I became more obsessed with controlling my weight .
It all started with just 2 spoons of rice and it has escalated to almost not eating ..The hunger sensations gave pleasure . My once chubby self has now changed into “the acceptable size ” .
I barely eat and even drinking water gave me that sense of fear and guilt to become fat . Hence anything that comes into my system must come out , Vomitting is the solution . I have the body that I have always dreamed of ( as I believed so)
Vomitting gave me that sense of control …
I had started with anorexia then turn to bulimia .. A love affair that would stay with me for quite awhile . I can still remember vividly how I would walked in and out to the kitchen of my aunt’s house ( I was living with them) so they won’t suspect that I haven’t eaten yet or I would tell my aunt that I ate with my friends or at my friends house, I always have an excuse ready to avoid eating.
Food at this phase is both an enemy and lover . There were days that just by staring I could visualize what’s in it and find reasons why I shouldn’t eat it . And if I do, it must come out of my system as fast as possible.
There were days when I would just eat because I felt the hunger. But then ended up feeling guilty because I ate .. and I would punished myself .
It was an endless vicious cycle .. I thought it was a part of a diet and has denied the fact that I have an early on set of anorexia -bulimia .
When you suffered from eating disorders it stays with you even if you have overcome the adversity .. It is like having a sleeping demons inside of you that would be awaken anytime a situation becomes uncontrollable or you want to punish yourself.
The Turning Point
December 25, 2003 as I battled my inner demons I gave birth to a beautiful son . It’s the only perfect unconditional love that I know. I would do anything and everything for him and that includes healing myself.
Rerouting to a healthier path is never easy . It is a cocktail of relapsing , patience and moving forward . All I know is that giving up is not an option.
Embracing my womanhood means it is not compromising yourself to the fads of diet schemes . It is appreciating every curves and marks that my body has . Sleeping at a decent time and eating the right healthy portion .
Exercise at least 30 mins a day would help clear your mind and cleanse your skin . Yoga is my favorite it is in harmony with my whole being with respect and acceptance to who I was and who I am now .
LOVE HEALS …
The cardinal rule of becoming healthy are Exercise , Proper diet , adequate sleep and LOVE .
Love plays a major role here .. this is the basic principle in succeeding into our health goals .
Because of Love we will try to respect and listen to our body. It is due to this respect that we are motivated to nourish both our body and mind ( through meditation )
Love pushes us to honor our agreement with our health . This is manifested through our dedication towards our exercise goals .
Love radiates inward that would makes us feel better . Loves exudes outward as our confidence grow and our determination persevere .
Love taught me and is teaching me lessons .
As Rumi said
“Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of that which you truly love.”
Special thanks to my editor
Ms.Marelle Apas who patiently read every single word of my chaotic blog
My Family who helped me walked through the challenges of life and My Friends , my personal dolphins who listens with open soul.. forever grateful
The magic of friendship comes in a very unexpected moment it will just spark and glow.
Thirty years after highschool I met you again shy but fiesty. Given a certain situation you would expressed your thoughts without any hesitation . It is at times the unedited version of the whole scenario that is playing in my mind, you just have articulated it they way that you have seen and felt it ( I would have the edited version ) . A refreshing way of looking into your perception on a situation .
With this, Chuckie, Ter Krims my endearment for you is born ..you would put me off balance no matter how much I would practice yoga and daily meditation.. you could make me blush like a tomatoes and caught my simple supposedly unmarked actions .
I love the way our friendship grows . You, Teh and Dangs color my rainbow
a little bit brighter that it used to be.
Thank God for being you. The YOU that would stand for your friends regardless of what. The YOU that would make us laugh , smile and The YOU that would surprise us .
Happy birthday Chuckie we love you so much
Dedication
Randall Joseph Dy. Prado (1976-2007)
Forever grateful to be called your atchie
Introduction
Cocoon is a silky web of spun that helps a caterpillar transform into a beautiful butterfly. In our life a turbulence of emotions and experiences can also be considered as a cocoon. For as we come out of a certain situation we are transformed into a better version of us . My moments of cocooning; rising up and choosing to become a butterfly.
Caterpillar in Me
September 20, 2007 it was the day that I knew how it feels to lose someone you love . It was the day that death becomes Him. I lost my youngest brother and my closest friend . I remember the excruciating pain. A Pain that up to this day leaves an imprint to my heart and soul.
This was our most painful and longest flight that my Mother, my Brother and myself have ever took going back home.
I can still remember in my silence I would take a deep breath played strong and would comfort my mother, my sister in law and brother . I need to be the rock to carry them through till the end of the whole process . I took my own emotions aside .. I know I can deal with her later after I am sure that all my loved ones were comforted .
Like a caterpillar I would swallow as much grief and sorrow that my mother and brother has . Until it was time for me to take my moment to deal with my grief , retreated to myself cried when no one can see me . Dried my tears and put on smile to comfort my mother . I didn’t count the months or the years that has passed . I just took my time to learned and absorbed all the things that happened around me.
Until that morning….
The Encounter
Usually between the 1st week of September till the last week that my brother had lived , I would relived the whole event over and over again . This was the time of the year where I would ran longer distances than I used to so I could numb the pain and the self blaming ( I would blamed myself for not doing good enough , yes me, myself and I were not friend yet.)
Until that one morning, I was with my usual fierce numbing moment , I met a lady who was having a leisure walked . She smiled at and I nod back , then she started talking me , irritated but trying to be polite ; I slowed down and engaged the conversations with her. I can still remember vividly how she smiled at me and asked why are you punishing yourself ? your brother doesn’t like seeing you like this .. Surprise, I looked at her without a word she just hugged me and I have cried like I have never cried for ages . It felt like I have let go of a burden that was in me for years .
I lost my beliefs in Angels and my faith was damaged deeply when my brother did His journey to eternity . But all those questions, doubts were answered that morning , She was an Angel in disguise so as I have choose to believed up to this day . She has helped me understand death and acceptance .
We could never defeat Death and accepting the outcome of fate doesn’t have to do with who wins or loses the battle .It is just LIFE and its painful cycle.
I picked up my pieces , I am ready ….
Reflections
In life we would encounter moments that could break us , experiences that could enriched us . Everytime I get broken I turned into me , reflected the experiences and learned from it . Each time I am hurt I will take time to cry but I will always dried my tears and turned at the situation with forgiveness and a smile.
It will always take time to processed everything like a caterpillar that would take time to transform.
But at the end of every turbulence when we are done cocooning , We will not become a colorless bitter moth .
We will choose to be a butterfly with colourful wings that will have the enthusiasm to explore the different scents and colors of life.
Let that colourful wings of ours engulf the energy of Love , Wisdom and Strength that has embodied US in every life experiences.
Tink
*fun facts to know : cocooning was a word by Ms. Faith Popcorn
How can a pretty small soul warmth my heart deeply?
you have taught me lessons from a far , you made me believe in miracle again
My pretty little soul I have witness in a distant how you fought and how you gave hope .
Shiloh, I would really loved to meet you and spoil you the way a Tinkie should do .
Its has been months since your fluffy wings have grown and your halo shines up above us .
I am always thankful that I have witness your miracle
Forever , you will be my feisty little angel with glittery halo and Tinkie knows deep in her heart that you are somewhere in that beautiful rainbow of souls , you are watching us.
Tink
Introduction
This is to all of you who have taught me the beauty and lessons of Love . Those of you who guided me through the different phases and faces of Love. I will try to peel Love in my own way, Here is my own version of Love oh My love .
The Love Giver
As an eldest in the family it has always been a given fact that I would take care of my younger siblings whether they were my brothers or my cousins . My nurturing skills has been developed at an early age ; I don’t mind taking sacrifices just for the sake of the well being of those who are dear to me .
During my younger years , at the time when the marriage of my parents were so troubled and they fought furiously , I would end up fighting back to my father to protect my mother and brothers . I would get hurt , but it was all worth it as long as my brothers were protected and my mother was spared from his abused and fist .
Years I have been a Love giver , I don’t mind if it was not reciprocated they way it should be all that matters was that they were happy and I believed that I was too . As a Love giver it is very surprising to be loved . A process that I have to learned and told myself I am worth a love just like others .
Yes, we also have to be the Love receiver . It is in this cycle that we filled our cup to be able to give again . For we can not give what we don’t have .I have observed that if my Love cup is empty self -pity and unworthiness comes .
We should give love because we are overflowing from it. I share love with a smile and without expectations . If you have read my Journey to Self Awakening : Discovering the Inner Strength I have discussed there the “FIRE” that glows in the middle of my stomach .. It is also that same fire that I would touch to let the love in me glow and warmth those people that I cared for. Learning the beauty of being a love giver through topping up from love that I have received around me, turns Love into compassion and kindness .
Loving Me, Myself and I
” Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever” – Brene Brown
Ever since I encountered Love , the phrase LOVE THY Self was the first quote that I have learned. As I grew older I started to asked what does it really means by Loving THY SELF. Loving Me means I should be my own bestfriend, But we have a problem here for I am more of my own critic than a friend. This is the irony of all ironies I don’t know how to be my friend , everytime I commit a mistake or a not so good decision everyone around me would say it is okay except me . For days I would shame myself for not performing well, I see the microscopic imperfections and all others that goes with it .
Until that one moment in my life , I must make a choice that everyone disagreed and all the people that I thought would understand me turned their back on me . So, here I am face to face with myself . That meeting was awkward, I felt alone with a stranger within me .We started talking more, she tells me kind words and I would cry and she would comfort me . Myself becomes my rock my shelter.
I become a friend to myself and love me for my imperfectness. This is the moment that I felt one with myself and it felt so good .I would own every mistakes that I made with understanding and embrace every scars of lessons with compassion .
It is still a long process and there are days wherein as Ms.Brene Brown would call it in her book Daring Greatly “the gremlins of shame” would be kicking my ass but like a monk I would take a deep breath and would search inside me for the sunlight of courage that would kill these gremlins .
No matter how bruise I am, as long as I will show up for me with that loving gaze , then I know I will be okay.
I am proud of me because I am brave enough to love me with vulnerability.
Essence of Love
Let me end this journal with a thought that Love is showing up for yourself and for others with kindness, compassion and understanding . It is giving without any expectations in return.
Love is fighting for yourself with grace and dignity .
You are the most beautiful form of LOVE that this universe ever have.
Let the loving energy within you sparks .
T!nk
