I could never been so grateful that in this life time our stars were align and our path have tangled . We become friends , you become one of my strength.
I thank you for staying up with me ,for asking me to turn my attention into a different direction when situations are too hurtful.
For reminding me that there are other fun stuffs in life . I thank you for being
compassionate , for wiping my tears , for holding my hands and for just being there
Teh , you are a blessing that came into my life , a soft sun when I felt like I am covered with heavy clouds .
“Being different isn’t a bad thing. It means you’re brave enough to be yourself.” – Luna Lovegood ( Harry Potter Deathly Hallows )
Intoduction :
Last Sunday the 21st of March was Down Syndrome Day to honor this day and as part of the awareness campaign schools and all over social media encourages everyone to wear two different kinds of socks . This day is called “gekke sokken dag” or as translated in englisg crazy socks day . This is to symbolize that IT IS OKEY TO BE DIFFERENT .
Yesterday ( 23rd of March)
It was one of those working days but yesterday gave me some take away to ponder.
Alice my 5 years playmate ( I refer her as my playmate ) along with her sister Aude came to me running as I arrived at thier house . The girls wore two unpaired socks of course I know why…
Alice : Jeeee I am wearing two different socks because it is crazy socks day at my school and Aude too.
Me: ooooh that looks fun .. and do you know why you are wearing those socks ?
Alice : yes , because SOMETIMES IT IS OKEY TO BE DIFFERENT my teacher told us that .
Me : indeed .. that is nice Alice ..
She was about to wear her shoes .. then she stop mid-way look at me and said ” well if is is okey to be different why hide it with a pair of shoes?”
She stopped turn to me and said ” I should wear unpair of shoes too with that everyone will know that IT IS OKEY TO BE DIFFERENT ”
She then go on picked two different kinds of shoes
Reflection :
To a child its is just the way it should be …But to the society that we are existing we should always be reminded that everyone of us is unique .
We must learn to respect and honor our differences whether it is the physical attributes or emotional development.
We must never forget to EMBRACE THE UNIQUENESS IN US .
TO All of US .. BE BRAVE WE ARE BEAUTIFUL IN OUR OWN WAY
Grams as I fondly call you . You are a powerhouse of strength and endurance.
We saw your professionalism, dedication way under difficult circumstances ,you have helped our group on the necessary things to be done despite the fact your heart is bleeding and your mind has this unrest thoughts of worries over Shiloh ..
Grams , you have been seasoned through the challenges of time .Your faith and hope gives you the notch of courage that makes you a woman of integrity.
We love our moments together and insights that we shared .. I and the rest of the core are grateful that despite of your busy schedule you would still try to squeeze us in (yes as in squeeze in ) every queries would be answered.
You have shared your expertise in leading us with our community services both in directives or with your presence . Thank you for being a key player .
Yes , I have intentionally greeted you days earlier than your d-day because I wanted you to know we are thankful for this reconnection and friendship that we have built . To more friendship years to come ..
I am starting to write moments that I love to remember . In each events ,situations there is that specific emotions that is connected .
Today my Journal of Happiness goes to the simple joy that The Moonwalkers89 shared.
The Story
As I have mentioned in my previous blog ” Moonwalkers” is group of individuals who were highschool classmates and have been reconnected after 30 years .
Each one of them has this unique beauty , strength , talent and wits . Despite of the years that they have been apart the sense of connectivity still burns within them .
They have made to the point that their reconnection would have meaningful purpose . Thus , they have choosen to served the vulnerable communities in their own ways.
These community activities paved the way in strengthen thier relationships from being good friends to becoming families .
No distance too far for those who wanted to be together ..
Community Services as an act of Reconnection
“So long as we love we serve; so long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.”
-Robert Louis Stevenson
A quote from goodreads.com
It all started with an informal conversations in between the karaoke and sea breeze of Cabadbaran city . The passion to serve was there but of course there was a question of resources.
As the discussion go deeper the desire grew. They made a pact to meet again on 2022 but for the meantime they must Keep the fire burning through community services .
Each one of them shared its own idea . Allowed their own expertise to contribute whatever project they are in . Everything is being discussed and though the budget is tight they still pursue with enthusiasm . They believe they are ONE
Whether it is feeding for the Lumads ( indigenious group) ,Elderly or the forgotten ones of society they serve with their hearts .
They often said that “the community services did not only filled the hearts of the needy but it has also strengthen thier friendship .It makes them feel like “they Belong” a quote that Fatima always uses .
At the end it is not about how much but it is more of how they made a small step towards doing meaningful act .
Reflection
If we choose to be serve with purpose and developed a friendship founded with respect , love, an open clear communication and admiration the friendship will thrive .
Respect towards each other helps us bridge the growing pains that we encounter along the way . Love makes us more understanding towards the shortcoming of the others . An open and clear communication results to endless hours of worthwhile stories which are interwine with laughters and the feeling of belongingness .
Notes of Gratitude
To the 41 Moonwalkers89 it has been with great pleasure to reconnect the bond with each one of you in a different levels .
Maricar who have encouraged me in forming the group
Bob who is always ready to do whatever ,wherever … you are an epitome of support
Felda , the rockstar with a large wallet how would we exist without your dedication ?
Jennifer for being the best twin and side kick of Felda
Tots who is always ready to give me an enlightenment advises whenever I am confuse.
Jenny (Grams ) my admiration for a powerhouse woman who would unselfishly share her time regardless of the situation ..Grams thank you for always answering my Queries
Jehmymah (Yen) thank you for assisting and sharing the burden with Grams
Lore our balancer
Marelle who edits my thoughts from time to time
Joe, Janet , Ga and Renee for being the life of our gc . I always love your wits
Mela, Rowena ,Joy and Serachel whose doors are always open whenever I would come knocking it .
Maam Jone thank you for always gracing whenever it is possible for you
Sweet, Lani, Fatima ,Grace, Cathy , Cy , Jona , Ana and Kathy for coming home to us ..
Cherrypie for openning my mind about Por cristo
Mary Grace even in your silence I know I can count on you .
Wilfred , Alberto and Arthur the boys who are never hesitated to help whenever we have an activity
Ferdinand (Dnand) thank you for always entertaining my lengthy notes for blending to be one of us.
Randy for being just annoying you 🙂
I am proud to be one of you .. thank you Moonwalkers89 for the lessons and joy that you have shared
May we continue to touch lives .
The essential only games that we often played ..most of us joined not for the prize but simply for fun ..Sweet won the spaghetti package while the rest had vinegars . GRAMS jenny took home the monster pizza which was divided into 4 .. its always about fun and sharing kindness“Real happiness doesn’t come from getting everything you want . It comes from sharing what you have with the people who matter.” -womenworking.com
“Life is too short to be unkind to YOURSELF” — Holly Habeck
We tend to project and give in to the pressure of the society on what beauty is and the ideal body looks like . I am no exception to these I am 100% a whore to fit in the body image . I call myself Ms. Wanting to fit in .
This is where all it started
As a child I was always been chubby , I never had a complexity with my body . People who are dear to me have always accepted the way I am .
At 4 years
Until adolescence came knocking on my door .. Suddenly , I wanted to be the muse instead of a class mayor .. but year after year I never became one .
Induction of Officers for Circle K club U.P Tacloban chapter
Insecurities towards my body image started to creep in … I started to diet ..yes ! I tried all kinds of diet craze Atkins , fruit diet , cracker diet , no carbs, I just mimic the fad without understanding the principle behind every eating principles ..I yo-yoed my way through the “acceptable body” to the point that I have suffered an eating disorder .
Eating disorder the answer of my dreams ?
Just right after college I became more obsessed with controlling my weight .
It all started with just 2 spoons of rice and it has escalated to almost not eating ..The hunger sensations gave pleasure . My once chubby self has now changed into “the acceptable size ” .
I barely eat and even drinking water gave me that sense of fear and guilt to become fat . Hence anything that comes into my system must come out , Vomitting is the solution . I have the body that I have always dreamed of ( as I believed so)
Vomitting gave me that sense of control …
I had started with anorexia then turn to bulimia .. A love affair that would stay with me for quite awhile . I can still remember vividly how I would walked in and out to the kitchen of my aunt’s house ( I was living with them) so they won’t suspect that I haven’t eaten yet or I would tell my aunt that I ate with my friends or at my friends house, I always have an excuse ready to avoid eating.
Food at this phase is both an enemy and lover . There were days that just by staring I could visualize what’s in it and find reasons why I shouldn’t eat it . And if I do, it must come out of my system as fast as possible.
There were days when I would just eat because I felt the hunger. But then ended up feeling guilty because I ate .. and I would punished myself .
It was an endless vicious cycle .. I thought it was a part of a diet and has denied the fact that I have an early on set of anorexia -bulimia .
When you suffered from eating disorders it stays with you even if you have overcome the adversity .. It is like having a sleeping demons inside of you that would be awaken anytime a situation becomes uncontrollable or you want to punish yourself.
Looking stunning from the outside ..suffering from the inside
The Turning Point
December 25, 2003 as I battled my inner demons I gave birth to a beautiful son . It’s the only perfect unconditional love that I know. I would do anything and everything for him and that includes healing myself.
Rerouting to a healthier path is never easy . It is a cocktail of relapsing , patience and moving forward . All I know is that giving up is not an option.
Embracing my womanhood means it is not compromising yourself to the fads of diet schemes . It is appreciating every curves and marks that my body has . Sleeping at a decent time and eating the right healthy portion .
Exercise at least 30 mins a day would help clear your mind and cleanse your skin . Yoga is my favorite it is in harmony with my whole being with respect and acceptance to who I was and who I am now .
LOVE HEALS …
The cardinal rule of becoming healthy are Exercise , Proper diet , adequate sleep and LOVE .
Love plays a major role here .. this is the basic principle in succeeding into our health goals .
Because of Love we will try to respect and listen to our body. It is due to this respect that we are motivated to nourish both our body and mind ( through meditation )
Love pushes us to honor our agreement with our health . This is manifested through our dedication towards our exercise goals .
Love radiates inward that would makes us feel better . Loves exudes outward as our confidence grow and our determination persevere .
Love taught me and is teaching me lessons .
As Rumi said
“Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of that which you truly love.”
Special thanks to my editor
Ms.Marelle Apas who patiently read every single word of my chaotic blog
My Family who helped me walked through the challenges of life and My Friends , my personal dolphins who listens with open soul.. forever grateful
Cocoon is a silky web of spun that helps a caterpillar transform into a beautiful butterfly. In our life a turbulence of emotions and experiences can also be considered as a cocoon. For as we come out of a certain situation we are transformed into a better version of us . My moments of cocooning; rising up and choosing to become a butterfly.
Caterpillar in Me
September 20, 2007 it was the day that I knew how it feels to lose someone you love . It was the day that death becomes Him. I lost my youngest brother and my closest friend . I remember the excruciating pain. A Pain that up to this day leaves an imprint to my heart and soul.
This was our most painful and longest flight that my Mother, my Brother and myself have ever took going back home.
I can still remember in my silence I would take a deep breath played strong and would comfort my mother, my sister in law and brother . I need to be the rock to carry them through till the end of the whole process . I took my own emotions aside .. I know I can deal with her later after I am sure that all my loved ones were comforted .
Like a caterpillar I would swallow as much grief and sorrow that my mother and brother has . Until it was time for me to take my moment to deal with my grief , retreated to myself cried when no one can see me . Dried my tears and put on smile to comfort my mother . I didn’t count the months or the years that has passed . I just took my time to learned and absorbed all the things that happened around me.
Until that morning….
The Encounter
Usually between the 1st week of September till the last week that my brother had lived , I would relived the whole event over and over again . This was the time of the year where I would ran longer distances than I used to so I could numb the pain and the self blaming ( I would blamed myself for not doing good enough , yes me, myself and I were not friend yet.)
Until that one morning, I was with my usual fierce numbing moment , I met a lady who was having a leisure walked . She smiled at and I nod back , then she started talking me , irritated but trying to be polite ; I slowed down and engaged the conversations with her. I can still remember vividly how she smiled at me and asked why are you punishing yourself ? your brother doesn’t like seeing you like this .. Surprise, I looked at her without a word she just hugged me and I have cried like I have never cried for ages . It felt like I have let go of a burden that was in me for years .
I lost my beliefs in Angels and my faith was damaged deeply when my brother did His journey to eternity . But all those questions, doubts were answered that morning , She was an Angel in disguise so as I have choose to believed up to this day . She has helped me understand death and acceptance .
We could never defeat Death and accepting the outcome of fate doesn’t have to do with who wins or loses the battle .It is just LIFE and its painful cycle.
I picked up my pieces , I am ready ….
Reflections
In life we would encounter moments that could break us , experiences that could enriched us . Everytime I get broken I turned into me , reflected the experiences and learned from it . Each time I am hurt I will take time to cry but I will always dried my tears and turned at the situation with forgiveness and a smile.
It will always take time to processed everything like a caterpillar that would take time to transform.
But at the end of every turbulence when we are done cocooning , We will not become a colorless bitter moth .
We will choose to be a butterfly with colourful wings that will have the enthusiasm to explore the different scents and colors of life.
Let that colourful wings of ours engulf the energy of Love , Wisdom and Strength that has embodied US in every life experiences.
Tink
*fun facts to know : cocooning was a word by Ms. Faith Popcorn
“Rain didn’t make things messy. People did all on their own .” — Barbara Delinsky , The Secret Between Us .
It is when you have decided to just let it be . Enjoy and make the best of everything, The unexpected things happened .
He walked in through that door like a cold hush of wind in that winter morning . He is aloof yet sweet, naughty yet decent, playful yet serious. A deciever yet honest . He would push you away to a distance that he could easily reach out for you. He is my complication
He embodied everything that I detest yet I am drown closer to him. He is the tears that falls from eyes and the smile that curves my lips. He is my complication.
Wiggle and struggle , tried to untangle this knot of connection towards my complication.
Experienced multiples death towards this untanglement. Shattered my heart .
Walk a far reaching for that Hand . The hand that exudes warmth of understanding and non judgemental .
Cling on , as I wiggle and struggle.
My complication is calling me like a tempter in a cold empty night . I hear him , I want to adhere , to surrender towards the voice of my complication .
I cling on harder to the grip of this hand of friendship that understands the struggle of my innermost soul. I am thankful , I am lucky for he is my sanity .
There he is again my wonderful tempter complication .
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